Specifically just about any Defense-spending bill. Take the $250 million apiece waste-extractor recombination mechanism logo on the $100 million apiece subsonic attack helicopter, which will simultaneously extract and compound and recombine the crews' trash in said helicopter so that when said waste is vertically delineated over enemy territory, no one crew member's DNA may be identified.

OK, go. I overdraw. No such waste-extractor exists, to my knowledge. Not to mention said helicopter. But you get the idea. These are the people who own the $500 hammer from the '80s. I confidence in it's sitting in the Pentagon, down one of those dusty, dank, seldom-used corridors where they stuck George W. Bush's "Commission Accomplished" banner. (Well, OK — there never actually was a $500 hammer, but the $500 hammer became the symbol of force to leave Pentagon spending practices.) Think what that would cost these days. Even the people from Goldman Sachs would blush.

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